The thing about Lying

Dear Diary,

I hate lying, I'm not saying that I do not lie sometimes, but I do not make it a habit lie to get me out of trouble. I really do not enjoy staying around people who lie a lot or even befriend one of them. The thing about lying is once you start lying and turn it into a habit of getting you out of trouble you can never stop. I have seen so many people drown in their own lies and at some point get caught with their lies, but still they defend their lies with more lies.

I'm saying that "the thing about lying is that when you start you can not stop" because once you tell a lie and you realize that the truth is about to be revealed then you are more likely to tell a new lie to cover up the old lie. As a kid I used to be pinched a lot by mum for telling lies, she hated  it so much when I told lies, and at times when I told her the truth no matter how big the mistake was she would never punish me, simply because I said the truth. I have happened to have people in my life who lie a lot. Some of these people are too close and important to cut ties with them. I have tried in my level best to help these people change but I have failed.

Another thing about lying is when people realizes that you lie a lot they stop trusting you. And can you really blame them? I mean why even blame them? in most times they can not differentiate when you are telling a lie and when you are telling the truth, so they end up never believing a word you say. My mum always says " a woman who lies a lot is also a thief and a harlot" and as I grow I have come to realize that these things go together, I have tried to count people who lies a lot that I know and I am slowly proving my mum's theory.

What irritates me more is when someone lies even in circumstances that do not need lying, you will find a very simple situation where the truth would have been the simplest way out but still you will find a person lying. Lying is addictive, once you begin lying too much you can never stop and you never control the extent of your lies and eventually it becomes dangerous for yourself and even for the people around you.

 I remember a story I read somewhere of a guy who was poor but used to boast himself as being rich, one day thieves broke into his house at night, they were armed and the demanded that he gives them the money that he always brags about, he did not have any so they killed him as they were trying to force information out of him after killing his wife and children

So lying a lot can kill you "literally" and may also cause great damage or harm to the people that you love so much. These people in my life who lies a lot really gives a difficult time, I always end up not believing a single word they say no matter how simple the issue is. And sometimes they get offended when I tell them that I do not believe what they are saying, but I am not the one to blame, they should instead blame themselves for having lied to me so many times that even their truths to me still sounds like lying.

I will start talking carefully avoiding all things that are lies which I dot have to tell. I will start telling the truth rather than being caught on a lie. No one is completely 100% truth speaker but anyone can avoid unnecessary lies.  That's me, just saying

"...............lies always finds a way of catching up with you regardless of how far you left the"

Yours Truly

Rubi.

Family

Dear diary,

This weekend was mainly spent with my family. In fact the whole of  last week I was staying at my Mum's. My Dad was away on official trip, and my Mum was going through a difficult patch so I couldn't let her be on her own. So I had to be with her.

 Here is the thing about my family,'It's not perfect" It has so many twisted moments that can drive you crazy or make you wish that you were invisible. But, the best part about all this is that there are so many sweet memories that I will not trade for anything

As my favourite quote goes "it may be stormy now but it can not rain forever" so I believe things will get better for my family. I want my parents to be truly happy and to be able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their hard work, without having to worry about me or my siblings. 

I know that my mum deserves to be happy, she has worked so incredibly hard for her family, for me. She has done a lot for me and I do not even know if I'll ever be able to repay  half of what she has sacrificed for me to be happy and to be who I am today. So, I know things are not exactly looking bright right now, but I know that My faithful God will not let them be grey for much longer, I know he will take care of everything, like he always does.

I know sometimes people do things and later on they hope that they hadn't done them, and yes regret is the oldest line in the book but I still hope that one day we will all get a chance to say we are sorry, we are sorry that we have hurt each other and forgive each other. One day......................

So, only time will tell but so far I am willing to vest my trust on God

Yours Truly

Rubi

Positive things

Dear diary,

I always have this feeling like I am doing less than what I can actually do with my life. This feeling is always there, constantly and sometimes it makes me restless. May be because I really never try so hard to do anything, most things seems to be happening to me effortlessly, and may be that is why I always feel like I could have done much better with my life. I never tried all that hard in school, but I never failed, and I am not trying too hard now at work but everything seems to be going well.

So, I know it is not new year or anything, but I am making a resolution to try hard and give my best in everything that I do. I want to see what I can ripe if I try really really had. So here is my Plan;

• Give my best at work, always using my brain to its best capacity, be punctual 
• I am gonna go to law school and study so hard, for months I will devote my every free time to reading and reading only
• I want to make sure that I spend one hour everyday on my novel, at least five pages per day will be enough.
• Devote my Sundays to My Family , my Soul-mate and My Best friends and at times a little charity work.

So those are my resolutions, and I intend to keep the going. I just believe that there's so much more in me that I am not letting the world have, like you know I have always wished to be a writer, just imagine how many books I would have had If I had started writing then!  But its no biggie, I am starting Now so lets see what happens.

Over the few weeks, the only things I have been thinking are my worst nightmares, the bad things that are happening to my life. I have become so edgy and thoughts consumed, and I frankly have gone numb because I do not want to feel the pinch of anything that is happening. And I hate this "Me" so I am going to change for the better, I will start counting my blessings, my talents, all the good people in my life and all the good things in it too. 

I have a daughter you know, surely I did not give birth to her, my cousin did and then she abandoned her at my Mum's and left. So, I have since officially declared myself her mum. She is s adorable, and difficult when it comes to food but I love her to bits. So for her, and for my darling soul-mate who always knows how to make my life a beautiful place, I am going to be positive and concentrate on my blessings. 

Yours Truly,

Rubi.

Hold my hand

Dear Diary,

Sometimes Life can present challenging situations that even the best of us seem to run out of ideas of how to tackle them. I know no family is perfect and that that every family has issues and most commonly a "black sheep" of the family. In our case that person now is my brother, My mother's only son. He grew up as an intelligent and quite boy, of three of us he is the one who attended the best private schools and all was almost well until he reached form two, and from there everything changed to date.

It all started as a mere foolish age. Behaviours, and slowly he started developing hatred to people and now he is tearing apart my family. By the time he reached high school the situation got worse and we couldn't possibly figure it out on whether he was crazy? Or he was drowning in the pool of hatred and selfishness that he build around himself. My favourite memory is his first day of school, I was in my last year in primary school (seventh grade) when he joined first grade, and I remember he could not cross the road on his own, so he came to my class and there was a teacher in the class and he asked for me, he said "I am looking for my sister, I want her to help me cross the big road". 

The whole class roared with laughter, it sounded weird to them that a boy that tall and chubby did not know how to cross the road by himself, but you see what they did not know is that my brother was only six by then, and he had never had to go anywhere alone in his life until then. So I went out of class, helped him cross the road and walked him further until I reached a point where I know it was familiar to him and then I let him go, but as I turned around going back to class tears filled my eyes because I was so worried that my brother may not make it home safely. That day when the end of classes bell rung, I ran like I had never before, I got home within ten minutes and I remember feeling so relieved when I found him home safely.

 He was a quite cute chubby boy, and he rarely ever spoke. I wish I could turn back the time,  and just be his sister who will help him to cross this road.  But of late, he has turned into God knows what

It breaks my heart, I wish I could tell him this, but I cant because I know he wont listen anyway so what is the use. The way things are going our family will never be the same again, nothing will ever be the same again in our home. So many wounds and so many unspoken words that has burnt holes into any bond that our family members had. My little sister probably hates my brother so much right now because they had an argument last night and she collapsed. My Mum used to love my brother so much, he was her favourite child, an intelligent and thoughtful boy, but right now all I can see is a woman in a deep pain, struggling so hard to hate her son, It is breaking her. My Dad, is in shock of what has been happening now days, and he doesn't speak much and I can see it that he feels so powerless.

I love my parents, I love the fact that they are still together despite the fact that they have been through a lot. Them being together makes our home more than a house, its a place where I grew up and so many memories lies there, but the situation right now does not give me any hopes that my home will be there for much longer. I wish my brother would realise what he is doing to our family before it is too late for him, I wish he would wake up and take control of his life before he causes any more damage to so many lives. He has hurt so many people by all this, and honestly I sometimes worry that my parents may not survive this. They were good parents, strict and we were brought up by an iron rod, I still do not understand what happened along the way.

I am not saying that my parents are perfect, I am just saying that they were good parents who raised us all well and they simply deserve a better life than what my brother is putting them through right now. I need a miracle so bad, I have never needed a miracle this badly.

I can not hold his hand now and help him to cross the road, he has to figure this out by himself because that is the part that comes by being a grown up. I do not hate him, I simply stopped caring about him, He has a choice and the path he chooses is and will always be his choice, I can not hold his hand on this one. I wish I could, but I cant. I am simplu numb, I am shutting all the pain out

Yours Truly,

Rubi.

Weekend

Dear diary,

It has been a while. Well I have been busy, and I had a busy weekend and my week does not look so promising.

My boss is still on leave, which means I'm still carrying his workload baggage, I had a terrible migraine last night and for a moment there I thought I was going to die, but Thank God I'm fine now. I called my mum and told her that I was feeling sickly, and my guess is she did not sleep at all last night and she started calling me around 4:30am this morning, when I didn't pick up I think she thought I had died or something, because she was on her way to my place when my sister finally got a hold of me and I talked her out of coming to my place. I was feeling a lot better this morning so I decided that I will go to the hospital then go to work.

My weekend was kinda fun. On Friday night My friends and I went to a beauty contest, and it turned out to be real fun. Then we went clubbing for a while and finally went home at around 4:00am, then a whole of Saturday we had to attend a funeral 9our friend's dad passed away) and finally on Sunday we went to Church and took one of our friends who has come home for a visit from abroad for a spin around town. And it was fun

So I'm now back to the dungeon, and let the torture begin.

Yours Truly

Rubi

Once again

Dear diary,

Today is so far going well and I wonder why. I am not crazy to wonder why today is going well because it has had very unfortunate happenings but so far none of them have managed to ruin my day. For example, I had to speak to my mum about my brother, yes the one who took off yesterday night, I am honestly not worried about my brother but I am worried about my parents. They have raised us well and considering that we are coming from a working class family we had a privileged life. So since my brother decided to act the way he is my parents have always been constantly worried.

Like I am sure that my dad did not sleep at all last night, because he was in Washington the first two nights when he was AWOL for 24hours. I had spoken to my mum in those earlier times and I told her not to worry, why bother yourself for a grown up person who doesn't care that he is tearing the family apart?

 My little sister on the other hand is on a tight spot, they have had sibling rivalry ever since they were young and now it seems to have gotten worse. Of course my brother has had sibling rivalry with me too, Once when I was on holidays from college he literally beat me up. I remember it was 2009 new years eve, he beat me up so bad that my forehead was swollen for two weeks, but I forgave him because I had started wrapping my head around the idea that he was never going to change. I simply forgave him for my mother's sake

I am not saying we have had Perfect parents, but We have had good parents who have toiled all their lives for us to make sure that we have all that we deserve in life. I would not wish to punish them in anyway because I know they deserve. I pray that after five years he will look back and be ashamed of what he has been doing for all this time. So that is it for now about my family

My boyfriend is off the hook, he had a migraine yesterday so he was acting all sweet and I always fall for that LOL. My BFF seems sad, will check on her later. As of now I have a meeting to attend.

Yours Truly,

Rubi

Crazy Brother

Dear diary,

 Finally, I am home. After spending the last the two hours in traffic, today's traffic jam was no joke, I spent almost 45minutes on the exact same spot, then I realised that I had to look for a shortcut, which I idid and now three hours later I am home. I wonder how much time I would have spent if it did not occur to me to take a shortcut.

So after the hot shower I am now in bed trying to add some pages on my novel. Yes my novel, do not be surprised I am an aspiring writer, so far I already have two chapters and the story is coming along just fine, I am trying to make it as exciting as possible, I mean the kind of novel that I wold read. 

All my life I have loved one thing and that is reading. In my O'levels  finished the whole section of books in the school library, that's where I learned this crappy grammar that I am using now, if it weren't for reading, it would have been much worse (can you imagine?)

Anyways let me go back to my novel now, I have to spend at least two hours writing before I go to bed. Oops! before I go I forgot to tell you something, when I was stuck in traffic my little sis called me with some news that almost caused me to loose balance of the steering wheel.

 She told me that our brother (he is older than her younger than me) has written a six pages A4 letter to our parents explaining to them how sinful we are, can you believe it? In his letter, he explained every single sin that he ever thought that my sister and I ever committed and he later slipped it under our parent's door. Luckly when my parents got home from work my sister was the first person to enter their room and she saw the letter first and took it.

Then that's when she called me. We have agreed that we are not going to ask him anything, we will just let him do whatever is it that he wants to do, it is difficult as it is to be a teenager or a youth without having a crazy brother sniffing your footsteps.

He said pretty bad stuff about us in that letter, some of them made up and some of them true, but can anyone imagine their parents being told their worst secrets? Anyway, this did not come to me as a total surprise, he has been acting crazy for sometime now, talking all kind of shit and mixing Jesus in all that bullshit. He pretends to be born again but in the middle of all that he pulls stunts like this (actually this is nothing compared to what he has been doing lately)

Okay, so now I'm off.

Yours Truly

Rubi

It's Monday

Dear Diary,

I can't believe Monday is here, where did the weekend go? How quickly it has passed. So I am now back to the dungeon, and everything is still gloomy here. as always. I am still pissed from the idiots who pissed me off on Friday and I still am never going to talk to them, I do not usually allow people to walk all over me, it is against everything that I believe in. 

So, I still have May's monthly report to submit, attendances to cross check and my bosses's tasks at my hand too, "he is on leave" so I am handling all his "baggage". It is difficult dealing with these people, I  am trying so hard not to punch them in the face, and just focus on what I do best.

Just in case you were wondering what it is that I do I am an administrator, I am supposed to be managing people and their resources, or at least that is what my job description says, and it drains all the energy from my veins.

As I already said, my Friday was not so good, and so far my Monday does not look so promising. My boyfriend kinda pissed me off yesterday too, I had really missed him and what did he do when I got there? He opened his door and went back to bed, as If I had gone there to sit on his couch and drink his cold water, any ways the thing is I got pissed off and I slept angry. I am still pissed at him, I'm not sure he knows  that but I still am pissed.

My BFF's Boyfriend slept at her house last night for the first time, and I still have not gotten all the juicy details and I think she is drawing the curtains on me, I'v been asking since morning and she goes "it was okay" aaargh, I'm not asking any more, if she wants to tell me she will, I know she will at some point. After all I am her safety valve 

So my life history in brief is, I have five half siblings, I love them to bits. I grew up with two and these are my mother's kids with my step father who raised me. My dad, well I never knew him my mum kinda shut him out after I was born for something he did before and after I was born "I never ask what it was". So now I have him too, and he is doing a good job of making up for all the time that he was not in mylife, he too has three kids with my step mother, a girl who is my confidant and two boys. Mylife is like that, but it is amazing. Oh and I have a law degree (plan on doing something about it soon enough)

My boyfriend and my BFF is practically the only company I keep. They are very very good friends, and most of the times they are normally responsible for lighting up my day, except for  today. I still love them though.

I am getting back to work now before my Kemcho's realise that I am blogging.

Yours Truly

Rubi