Dear Diary,
Sometimes Life can present challenging situations that even the best of
us seem to run out of ideas of how to tackle them. I know no family is
perfect and that that every family has issues and most commonly a "black
sheep" of the family. In our case that person now is my brother, My
mother's only son. He grew up as an intelligent and quite boy, of three
of us he is the one who attended the best private schools and all was
almost well until he reached form two, and from there everything changed
to date.
It all started as a mere foolish age. Behaviours, and slowly he started
developing hatred to people and now he is tearing apart my family. By
the time he reached high school the situation got worse and we couldn't
possibly figure it out on whether he was crazy? Or he was drowning in the
pool of hatred and selfishness that he build around himself. My favourite memory is his first day of school, I was in my last year in
primary school (seventh grade) when he joined first grade, and I remember he could not cross the road on his own, so he came to my class and there was a teacher in the class and he asked for me, he said "I am looking for my sister, I want her to help me cross the big road".
The whole class roared with laughter, it sounded weird to them that a boy that tall and chubby did not know how to cross the road by himself, but you see what they did not know is that my brother was only six by then, and he had never had to go anywhere alone in his life until then. So I went out of class, helped him cross the road and walked him further until I reached a point where I know it was familiar to him and then I let him go, but as I turned around going back to class tears filled my eyes because I was so worried that my brother may not make it home safely. That day when the end of classes bell rung, I ran like I had never before, I got home within ten minutes and I remember feeling so relieved when I found him home safely.
He was a quite cute chubby boy, and he rarely ever spoke. I wish I could turn back the time, and just be his sister who will help him to cross this road. But of late, he has turned into God knows what
It breaks my heart, I wish I could tell him this, but I cant because I know he wont listen anyway so what is the use. The way things are going our family will never be the same again, nothing will ever be the same again in our home. So many wounds and so many unspoken words that has burnt holes into any bond that our family members had. My little sister probably hates my brother so much right now because they had an argument last night and she collapsed. My Mum used to love my brother so much, he was her favourite child, an intelligent and thoughtful boy, but right now all I can see is a woman in a deep pain, struggling so hard to hate her son, It is breaking her. My Dad, is in shock of what has been happening now days, and he doesn't speak much and I can see it that he feels so powerless.
I love my parents, I love the fact that they are still together despite the fact that they have been through a lot. Them being together makes our home more than a house, its a place where I grew up and so many memories lies there, but the situation right now does not give me any hopes that my home will be there for much longer. I wish my brother would realise what he is doing to our family before it is too late for him, I wish he would wake up and take control of his life before he causes any more damage to so many lives. He has hurt so many people by all this, and honestly I sometimes worry that my parents may not survive this. They were good parents, strict and we were brought up by an iron rod, I still do not understand what happened along the way.
I am not saying that my parents are perfect, I am just saying that they were good parents who raised us all well and they simply deserve a better life than what my brother is putting them through right now. I need a miracle so bad, I have never needed a miracle this badly.
I can not hold his hand now and help him to cross the road, he has to figure this out by himself because that is the part that comes by being a grown up. I do not hate him, I simply stopped caring about him, He has a choice and the path he chooses is and will always be his choice, I can not hold his hand on this one. I wish I could, but I cant. I am simplu numb, I am shutting all the pain out
Yours Truly,
Rubi.
