Thinking of the future

Dear Diary,

I am not happy. My whole life seems to be one sad event after another. There's never a peaceful moment in my life any more. My heart is so full that I do not know what to do with my self anymore. I am always cranky and moody, all this because I am thinking of the future.

All things that I used to believe in so much, right now I do not know where I stand, My family, my Job, my abilities to cope and even my relationship. . . All of these things seems some how not to be okay or going in to a direction that I would wish them to go.

I am stuck and I am not going forward, I can not remember the least time I was this unhappy. And I really wish to stop and be happy, but my heart is heavy and as much as I try to be happy there's something inside that is simply not letting me be completely at ease. I am starting to loose faith that things will ever be normal again.

For my mother's sake, I'm praying to God that this bad storm passes quickly.

Yours Truly,
Rubi

Busy and Obese

Dear Diary,

It has been a while since I last wrote anything, I have been busy with family and work.

 I have been so tight that now days it is a trend for me to fall asleep on the couch while trying to watch television. Its crazy how one human head can hold so many things, literally from holding nothing to holding and processing trillion things. I am almost always broke now days because of how much I spend on fuel and upkeep.

 I am always trying to look for new opportunities to excel and make some extra cash. From time to time I consult with a few companies on HR and Admn issues, and Its all fine except that I have not really gotten yet that big break that I am always waiting for. That one big job that after doing it may be my life will change for good. Right now  I am working on creating a company profile for a guy who just registered his company. I am charging him peanuts but hey! I am creating my clientele base

So here is how my life is looking as of now:

1. I used to live alone but now I live with my two young sisters and my supercute niece who calls me "Mama"

2. I used to weigh 186pounds and now I weigh 198pounds in less than a year aaaaargh!

3. I never used to cook but now I cook

4. I used to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and friends but now I dont because I have family commitments almost all the time.

5. I used to be able to control my finaces but now I cant

So basically my life has changed drastically. All this has 100% to do with the craziness of my brother, and I would not lie there are good and bad things that have resulted from his craziness. Anyway I have decided to embrace all the silver linings in my life and appreciate all the good people that God has put in my life. My beautiful daughter, my ever supporting mother and my darling soul mate, just to mention a few.

 I want to start working towards being healthy and beautiful. My goal weight is 132pounds and I am not scared to begin this journey. I have read stories of people who had more horrific weigh issues but they came out of them, so I am going to begin with baby steps and hopefully I will get there. 

I am also going to focus on giving all that I have to my work, my family and my relationship. And on top of that appreciate all my friends that God has given me and Always remember to thank God for he has given me all this that I have.

So, there it is

Yours Truly

Rubi