Dear Diary,
Its a beautiful Sunday. And today I have a story to tell, a story of a woman who fell in love. I'm publishing it, as it was sent to me:
"Life was a bit boring after college, with no job and with a very protective mother, I really needed something to do. I had dated one guy in college and I had my broken, and from there on I really was simply trying to go with the flow, I dated one more guy and He cheated on me, I can't say I was particularly heartbroken, because I really am not sure till today why I was in that relationship. Time passed and I got a job.
The job I got nice, a nice position, and just enough salary to keep a fresh from college candidate be interested. So I took it. There was only one problem though, working hours were too long, from 8am to 6pm not a minute sooner. So, it became a routine for me to be arriving home late. And to use two to three buses everyday from work to home. My parents' home is a little far from the city center and even further from The place where I worked. And for all this time I was still single, and one day I met him. . . . In a bus.
I looked at him without him noticing that I was staring at him, he wasn't particularly masculine or handsome but he had this really innocent face and just enough height and flesh to catch me off guard. He was expensively dressed, and I kept wondering why he was boarding a bust in the first place. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt, and a brown trouser, black shoes and He was carrying what appeared to be a laptop in a bag. I didn't get a seat in a bus that day, so I was standing besides his seat, and as I leaned down I simply just wanted to keep staring at him. He had caught my eye, we went down on the same bus stop, and neither said a word to another, as I was walking home, I kept remembering the stranger who had caught my eye. And I kept thinking . . . .
As it was a habit for me to go home late, I saw him a lot that week, I kept wondering where he had been all this time and why I had never seen him before that Monday. But still I could not bring myself to say anything to him, I just kept watching him surreptitiously and my heart kept beating really fast, and I just found my self imagining things that I'd do to him if I ever get a chance.
Then Friday came, and then I suddenly knew where he worked because he was wearing a t-shirt of the office he worked. He looked more attractive in the t-shirt, more relaxed and for the first time I actually let my self admit to myself that I was starting to like the guy, I mean I was even ashamed to admit it to myself, For how could I like a guy who had never noticed me before? We had never even spoke, for the whole week that we have been using the same bus route and the same bus.
When he got in the bus that Friday, the bus was almost full and the only available seat was the one beside me. He entered and he scanned the bus to see if it was full, and then he saw the empty seat besides, as he was approaching where I was seated my heart started thumping, I was so embarrassed because I thought he could actually hear my heart beating. The stranger sat besides me, and he greeted me with a "smile" and daaamn he had a good smile. I do not remember what happened but as we were waiting for the bust to take off, we started talking, and I just found myself relaxing. By the time we got off the bus we were chatting like old friends, but I still did not know his number, but then I was too much of a girl to just start asking a guy for his number. So I didn't.
Our homes were in opposite directions, so as We bid each other goodnight, I started walking, and suddenly he called me and he told me his name, that's when I realized that I still didn't know his name!!! So I told him my name, and he complemented my name, and then he asked me where Is stayed, and I told him who my father was (its always easier to tell someone who my father is because its easier than directing someone to our house, that because everyone knows my Dad around here, I still don't know why everyone knows my Dad, but I'm guessing its because of his peculiar name)
And apparently he knew my Dad, and his dad knew mine too. And he told me he almost grew up here, something which I also did, but I was wondering how come I had never heard of him before that day, and then he remembered seeing me during my primary school days, and it was really sweet that he simply remembered me as a 12year old :) . So lastly he asked for my number, and of course I gave him and we parted our ways. That night, sleep did not come easily. I kept tossing and tossing around the bed, but I couldn't sleep. And finally I realized what had happened!!! I was in love!
I couldn't let myself do that, I couldn't let myself fall in love with a complete stranger I had known for a week! But still I knew there was nothing I could do about it, my heart had chosen him. He texed me a few times that weekend, all causal texts, but I was thrilled that he was remembering me. Weekend was soon gone, and Monday evening was finally here. At around 5pm I got a text from him asking me what time I was leaving the office, he said he was going to leave the office around the same time too, so we agreed that whoever will arrive first at a stand where we usually met will wait for the other. He arrived first that day, and he waited for me for almost an hour. But he didn't seem angry when I got there, he was really sweet and friendly. But deep in my heart, I knew that I wanted more than his friendship.
So, waiting for each other at our usual stand became a habit. And as we dropped down at our home bus stop he would always walk me home. And one day, approximately two weeks after we had met, as he was bidding me goodnight after walking me halfway home he hugged me, for about a minute and I could feel his heart beating so fast, as he was about to release me I found myself putting my arms around his neck and he looked at my eyes for a minute and then he let me kiss him. His lips were so soft, almost addictive but he was not a very good kisser LOL! But he let my lips lead his, as I was kissing him he held onto me tight and finally he was gasping for air and I let him go. And I stared walking home.
In my bed that night, I kept thinking of how sweet that kiss was and How much I couldn't wait to kiss him again, and again and kiss him everywhere. The next day the same thing happened, and the next day after that. After having kissed for three consecutive days I found my self blubbering the forbidden words in between a kisses. He got really tense, and he kissed me on the forehead and bid me goodnight. I was confused. I kept beating myself up of why I let myself be carried away and tell him that "I loved him" but again I didn't doubt my love for him, my feelings for him were as clear as a day, and at some point I had started believing that he felt something for me too, but stupid me, I had gotten ahead of my self and I had probably scared him off now. He was quiet for the whole of next day, and I walked home alone that night. Oh How much I missed him, I kept thinking of his lips, and how soft they were. Finally I couldn't hold off anymore, and I knew if I called him I would not be able to say it, so I sent him a text.
In the text, I apologized for catching him off guard with what I said, but I also told him that it was true that I loved him and I did not have a single doubt as to that. He replied with a simple thank u and a goodnight note. His short message felt like a blow on my chest, I had expected something a little more sweet, and romantic from him. But I didn't want to cry, I simply told myself that it wasn't meant to bed. I slept soundly that night.
The next day was long, boring and dis interesting. I kept thinking may be I shouldn't have told him that I loved him, because I really did love him. But a part of me knew that it was a mistake saying it, and I had started coming to terms with the fact I was not going to see him again. But I guess I was wrong, at 5pm that day he texed me that he was going to wait for me,and he did. I had missed him so much. When I saw him I just wanted to cry. He didn't say much in the bus that day, but when we got off the bus he was all himself again. It was a full moon night that day, and it was so peaceful. As he walked me home, he slipped his hand into mine, and for a moment there everything seemed so peaceful, and My heart was aching with joy. I simply didn't want that night to end, I just wanted it to go on and on.
His skin was so warm, and his fragrance was totally blocking my air system, but God I love the way it felt. He walked a lot further that day, and for the first time instead of simply hugging me as he always does, he slipped his hands around my neck, and he kissed me, a very long sweet kiss and today it was my turn to gasp for air, and I was shocked because that day he really kissed me good, he hugged me for a long while and he let me go, as usual with a kiss on my forehead. And stupid me, I don't know why I never learn my lessons the easy way, I said it again that night, I sent him a text and I told him that I loved him. And I didn't care if he did not love me back.
He did not reply that night, but he sent me a text early the next morning that he slept rather early the previous night. He did not mention the "I love you part" of my text. Our routine continued, and I was falling for him each day, but then something changed, He stopped hugging when he walked me home, he still walked me home but he would refuse to kiss me. And I was really unsettled by this, but then I knew that I did not have any claim against him, after all he want even my boyfriend. A week passed like this, and to some extent he seemed drawn back for some reason. And then Friday of that week came, and when we dropped down from the bus he called a taxi to take us home, he was going to drop me home and then go home via the same taxi. We waited for a taxi under a mango tree near by the road, the mango tree was so big and it had a really heavy shade, as we waited I leaned forward and kissed him, he responded he started kissing me so furiously, and by the way that he kissed me I knew that he had really missed me, but I still didn't understand why he had drawn himself back the whole week.
At that moment however, all I wanted to think about was his lips and how soft they were, and sweet. We kissed for a long time and he started caressing my waist and My legs got weak, and my knees started shaking. I wanted him so bad, I could not remember the last time I had wanted anyone that badly, and finally the taxi we were waiting for came. We got in the back seat, and he pulled me closer, he caressed my thigh and in between my thigh and I had to use extra effort to hold myself back from moaning out loud with pleasure. He kissed my neck over and over again, and he kissed me until I couldn't breathe no more. By the time he was dropping me home my knees were barely strong enough to support my body. I just wanted him, to feel him inside me, and nothing seemed more important than that at that moment. The whole of the following week we used a taxi, and by the end of the week I knew I had to have him, or else I was gonna rape him LOL.
So I told him the truth, again that I loved him and that I really wanted him and I was going crazy about him and for not having him. I told him that I really wanted to be with him in private and at that moment nothing mattered more to me than him. His reply was that it was too soon to say that I loved him, and He dint wanted to say anything to me until he was sure of what he felt for me. When I insisted on asking him why? He told me that "there was someone else that he also like"
I was crushed, here I was, me, a girl, pouring my heart out to someone who wasn't even sure of what he felt for me. My body went numb, and as much as I tried to comfort myself that night I just felt myself sobbing, I cried for a long time that night, I simply wanted it to stay night forever, I didn't wanted morning to come, because then I would have to face the reality that the one person that I loved with all my heart didn't love me. That night, I made a resolution that I had to move out of my parents' house and move somewhere closer to my office and also as far away from him as possible. I started avoiding him, changing the time that I got home, and lying to him of where I was when he asked to wait for me.
I couldn't face him, see his face while knowing that he did not feel what I felt for him. I owed it to myself to at least protect my heart from such pain. He bought a car that week, a car that he had been talking about for a while. And deep down I was happy for him for getting what he wanted, as I got down from the bus that night, I saw the car that matched the description he had given me of his new car. I looked at it and it was a really nice car. Then I sent him a text congratulating him for a beautiful car. He called, and asked where I had seen it and I told him, then he asked me why I didn't call him when I saw it, I remember coming up with a lame excuse and I walked home.
I started preparing my self to move out. And for the next four months I didn't see him or communicate with him. I was healing, and It all felt well for me now. One day, he called out of the blue and asked me how I was, I told him I was fine and he asked if he could pick me up that night, that's when I realized that he didn't even know that I had already moved out, so I told him that I had already moved out. By that time, I had met a guy, a really nice one. This new guy Ken, had become my friend, and we got along very well. His genuine soul and smile made feel at ease, and exactly five months since the last day I saw him and he gave me that reply I kissed Ken, and it felt good. To let myself go and be loved.
A while has passed now, And now I love Ken and we are planning to get married. But I guess, down deep in my heart, I will always wonder what it would have been like If I had ended up with him, instead of Ken"
That's all I got for today, Long yes? But I doubt it if anyone will find it exhaustive. Its a story of a girl who fell in love. And anything that concerns love is welcome in my diary.
Yours Truly
Rubi.
