Dear diary,
Every person has got something that he or she dreads the most. I'm scared of many many things, I'm scared of death, I'm scared of exams, I used to be scared of my Mum once, but all that does not measure up to how much I dread loneliness. I have all these wonderful people in mylife, but sometimes loneliness sneaks up to me and I find my self completely alone, just feeling like crying or shouting something outloud. In short I simply get lonely sometimes, really lonely.
It feels like all these wonderful people in mylife, people that I treasure sometimes simply can not touch me where I want to be touched. It feels like no matter how much I try or they try there's always this empty space in my heart that is waiting to be filled.
I'm simply never able to be alone. And I scare myself sometimes when I get lonely, I'm not kidding. When I get lonely I usually start things that I can't finish, and then the next day I'd be wondering what I was up to the previous day, and so forth. Loneliness to me is a temporary insanity.
I know I will get married someday. And if I do I know that I'm goin to marry this wonderful man who is also my best friend that I'm dating. But sometimes I worry whether loneliness will catch up with me too, when I'm alone maybe, or those late nights that husbands come home or whatever the case may be. Still I worry.
My two best friends are having relationship difficulties, one of them is a risk taker who is simply never afraid of trying when it comes to achance of true love. But I know that deep down both of them are driven by the worry of ending up alone and lonely. And I know that they are tired of being alone. Sometimes I wonder if may be my circle of friends is too small, I wonder if I may be needing more people in mylife, but sometimes I wonder if when I become a mother this empty space will be filled, but then again even childern leaves their parents when the time comes
All in all I dread loneliness
Yours Truly,
Rubi
