Silence

Dear Diary,

I learned a long time ago that Silence can be both constructive and destructive. Let's say you love someone, and this love is so great that you often keep silent whenever this person hurts you, simply because you can not gather enough courage to tell them that they are hurting you. The result will be a lot of thoughts piling up in your head, and one day if you may end up crazy. I know this because I have witnessed it first hand.

But silence can also be constructive, oftenly when we are dealing with "knowall" kind of people. You try explaining anything to such people and you will just be waisting your breath. Or at times when you really don't have something nice to say to someone, you would rather keep quiet than say something that's is soo not nice and hurt the other person, in such circumstances the best remedy is Silence.

" If you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all" this is a saying that most mothers prefer, and I support them.

Now back to me. Mylife is pretty much boring as always, I have school and the next one starting on monday. Its kinda exhausting thinking about books all day, but I did promise myself to be good and do good in school this time, so that's just what I'm gonna do. Ooh and Before I forget, my 'problematic' brother started college this month, so he is no longer staying at home, he is pursuing Eng in Computer science, may be something good will happen this time. Either way I'm not so sure so I have my Fingers crossed. But I am just relieved that my mum gets to breathe again, even if its just for a while, until he decides to erupt again.

That's all for today, and I'm officially late for class.

Yours Truly,
Rubi
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the Tigo Tanzania Network

Loneliness

Dear diary,

Every person has got something that he or she dreads the most. I'm scared of many many things, I'm scared of death, I'm scared of exams, I used to be scared of my Mum once, but all that does not measure up to how much I dread loneliness. I have all these wonderful people in mylife, but sometimes loneliness sneaks up to me and I find my self completely alone, just feeling like crying or shouting something outloud. In short I simply get lonely sometimes, really lonely.

It feels like all these wonderful people in mylife, people that I treasure sometimes simply can not touch me where I want to be touched. It feels like no matter how much I try or they try there's always this empty space in my heart that is waiting to be filled.

I'm simply never able to be alone. And I scare myself sometimes when I get lonely, I'm not kidding. When I get lonely I usually start things that I can't finish, and then the next day I'd be wondering what I was up to the previous day, and so forth. Loneliness to me is a temporary insanity.

I know I will get married someday. And if I do I know that I'm goin to marry this wonderful man who is also my best friend that I'm dating. But sometimes I worry whether loneliness will catch up with me too, when I'm alone maybe, or those late nights that husbands come home or whatever the case may be. Still I worry.

My two best friends are having relationship difficulties, one of them is a risk taker who is simply never afraid of trying when it comes to achance of true love. But I know that deep down both of them are driven by the worry of ending up alone and lonely. And I know that they are tired of being alone. Sometimes I wonder if may be my circle of friends is too small, I wonder if I may be needing more people in mylife, but sometimes I wonder if when I become a mother this empty space will be filled, but then again even childern leaves their parents when the time comes

All in all I dread loneliness

Yours Truly,
Rubi

So Random

Dear Diary,

Its been a while, but really my life seems to be fast-forwading itself nowadays. School school school, for some reason I'm never really a good student, and I always believe If I actually take trouble to really study hard I can actually get very good grades. But the sad thing is I really never seem to want to work all that hard when it comes to school. This time I had decided to be very serious with school, considering I paid my own school fees this time, but even so I can feel it in my bones that I'm not doing enough, I'm not giving it all.

I'm really trying, but somehow something else is always more interesting than books, I have crazy number of reading and writing assignments, and somehow I just don't feel like doing any. Anyway, so I'm going to try now, give all that I have and actually can and see where that will lead me. May be I will actually pass after all.

Now, my weight loss, so I know I didn't post my weight loss this week, that's because my friend and I have agreed to refrain from weighing ourselves for a month. We noticed that we were getting addicted to it and now we are taking our time. So a month from last week I will post my weight loss.

So, that's all for today,

Yours Truly
Rubi

My younger Days

Dear Diary,

It has been a crazy week. There seems to be so much to do and yet very little time to do anything really. I have been sleeping late and waking up early, but for some reason right now its 4am and I simply can't sleep anymore. I think I better read something, whenever I read anything "intellectual" sleep always finds its way back to me. All in all school has been hectic.

I'm trying to think of how my life is going to change once I start masters as well. How I wish I had gone to law school when my parents wanted me to :( . But its no use blaming myself now, I am going to make the best use of my time and By God I will succeed.

So, apart from my very busy schedule everything else seems to be going well, my weight watching program is doing great. Its even easy to skip unhealthy foods now, I am so used to this routine that I just don't have to restrict myself anymore. I eat lots of fruits and veggies, and soy beans, and so far so great. Can't wait for sunday to see how much weight I have shed off.

I know this is some sort of a crush program (which I badly needed), but I am going to make all the necessary adjustments to ensure that I maintain the large part of it as my daily routine. Right now I avoid. A lot of meat related stuffs, but after I hit 75kgs I will start including lots of chicken and fish in my diet. I just needed to get back to shape so badly. And I could see myself going back where I was once, and I got so scared.

I remember the first time I knew I weighed 95kgs, it felt like somebody had just placed a big stone on my shoulders. I remember there was a girl who saw me weighing myself and she came near by, and she exclaimed like she had seen a snake when she saw the numbers on the scale, I will never forget that day. Now I was young at that time, less that 15years old, and I did not know what ways to use or do to maintain my weight, but I tried. And for the next four years Up to 2006 I only managed to gain 4kgs, which brought me to 99kgs by the time I finished High school.

I joined college with the same weight, and somehow something felt out of place. But that did not even remotely motivate me into loosing weight. And then I fell in love with a really cute guy (or so it seemed at that time) and I simply wanted to change it all, I started dating him of course, and then all the in securities wouldn't leave me alone so I decided to loose weight, and I did. From 99kgs which I still maintained to 78kgs. And I have never looked better I'm telling you. And it felt so good, and I want to feel that way again, be comfortable in my own skin, so I'm going to try so hard, and hopefully I will get there. Bye bye chocolate and Ice cream :( forever.

That's all for now, write to you soon

Yours Truly,
Rubi.

School

Dear diary,

This week is the last free week I have. I just have to go for registration and do whatever the heck I want with the remaining free time. Its not like I actually have a lot to do anyways, You have got to have money to do stuff anyways. So after registration I am going to dedicate my free time to watching series till Monday.

But, in the mean time I have to start figuring out means of survival. Its weird how uneasy I feel, despite big fat promises for assistance I'm getting from my family I'm simply never comfortable depending on someone else, not even my mum (at least since I started working) So I'm a little uneasy and I have started figuring out ways to survive without the assistance. Its not going to be easy, but I will live.

I'm contemplating how weird its going to be to have to sit in class again and listen and sit for exams and tests and wonder about assignments. This thing scares a lot of people mainly because of the meanness of the instructors and may be because the seed of fear has already been planted in their heads. Anyway, unlike most people I'm not afraid of this, actually I am looking forward to it except the exams. 

So I will keep you updated. 

Yours Truly

Rubi.

The thing about living

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened in my life over a short period and a lot has changed in my life too. Not long a go I had a job, and three admissions to higher learning institutions with no means to pay for them. But now I have the admissions, the sponsors and no Job. Yes no job because I had to quit in order to make time for me to pursue two programs at the same time.

I wont lie, the feeling is overwhelming for some reason, both in a good way and a bad way, I feel kinda scared , I don't know why though. May be its because I am so used of taking care of myself and now I am worried that may be these good parents of mine will disappoint me, or may be because I am just human, and humans are always scared of change. All in all I can not explain what I am feeling today. 

There's so much going on in my head, I am definitely going to keep consulting from time to time, just for the sakes of keeping my mind refreshed on HR matters as well as earning myself a little extra income. Its been a while ever since I felt the need of leaning on someone for help, and now despite the fact that its my parents who have agreed to sponsor my studies I can not stop wondering "what if things goes wrong"

Anyway, time will tell. I am keeping my faith in God and I know that he always lead my way, sometimes more than how I realize. I believe there's a bright future for me somewhere, and By God I will get there.

Enough about me, now my little girl started school three weeks back, she is still not writing anything that makes sense in her books, however she has grown so energetic, she talks more and always seems to have control of situation she is in (except when there's food involved". She has a sharp memory and so far I'm impressed, I'm praying for her and her future.

Yours Truly,

Rubi

Thinking of the future

Dear Diary,

I am not happy. My whole life seems to be one sad event after another. There's never a peaceful moment in my life any more. My heart is so full that I do not know what to do with my self anymore. I am always cranky and moody, all this because I am thinking of the future.

All things that I used to believe in so much, right now I do not know where I stand, My family, my Job, my abilities to cope and even my relationship. . . All of these things seems some how not to be okay or going in to a direction that I would wish them to go.

I am stuck and I am not going forward, I can not remember the least time I was this unhappy. And I really wish to stop and be happy, but my heart is heavy and as much as I try to be happy there's something inside that is simply not letting me be completely at ease. I am starting to loose faith that things will ever be normal again.

For my mother's sake, I'm praying to God that this bad storm passes quickly.

Yours Truly,
Rubi

Busy and Obese

Dear Diary,

It has been a while since I last wrote anything, I have been busy with family and work.

 I have been so tight that now days it is a trend for me to fall asleep on the couch while trying to watch television. Its crazy how one human head can hold so many things, literally from holding nothing to holding and processing trillion things. I am almost always broke now days because of how much I spend on fuel and upkeep.

 I am always trying to look for new opportunities to excel and make some extra cash. From time to time I consult with a few companies on HR and Admn issues, and Its all fine except that I have not really gotten yet that big break that I am always waiting for. That one big job that after doing it may be my life will change for good. Right now  I am working on creating a company profile for a guy who just registered his company. I am charging him peanuts but hey! I am creating my clientele base

So here is how my life is looking as of now:

1. I used to live alone but now I live with my two young sisters and my supercute niece who calls me "Mama"

2. I used to weigh 186pounds and now I weigh 198pounds in less than a year aaaaargh!

3. I never used to cook but now I cook

4. I used to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and friends but now I dont because I have family commitments almost all the time.

5. I used to be able to control my finaces but now I cant

So basically my life has changed drastically. All this has 100% to do with the craziness of my brother, and I would not lie there are good and bad things that have resulted from his craziness. Anyway I have decided to embrace all the silver linings in my life and appreciate all the good people that God has put in my life. My beautiful daughter, my ever supporting mother and my darling soul mate, just to mention a few.

 I want to start working towards being healthy and beautiful. My goal weight is 132pounds and I am not scared to begin this journey. I have read stories of people who had more horrific weigh issues but they came out of them, so I am going to begin with baby steps and hopefully I will get there. 

I am also going to focus on giving all that I have to my work, my family and my relationship. And on top of that appreciate all my friends that God has given me and Always remember to thank God for he has given me all this that I have.

So, there it is

Yours Truly

Rubi

The thing about Lying

Dear Diary,

I hate lying, I'm not saying that I do not lie sometimes, but I do not make it a habit lie to get me out of trouble. I really do not enjoy staying around people who lie a lot or even befriend one of them. The thing about lying is once you start lying and turn it into a habit of getting you out of trouble you can never stop. I have seen so many people drown in their own lies and at some point get caught with their lies, but still they defend their lies with more lies.

I'm saying that "the thing about lying is that when you start you can not stop" because once you tell a lie and you realize that the truth is about to be revealed then you are more likely to tell a new lie to cover up the old lie. As a kid I used to be pinched a lot by mum for telling lies, she hated  it so much when I told lies, and at times when I told her the truth no matter how big the mistake was she would never punish me, simply because I said the truth. I have happened to have people in my life who lie a lot. Some of these people are too close and important to cut ties with them. I have tried in my level best to help these people change but I have failed.

Another thing about lying is when people realizes that you lie a lot they stop trusting you. And can you really blame them? I mean why even blame them? in most times they can not differentiate when you are telling a lie and when you are telling the truth, so they end up never believing a word you say. My mum always says " a woman who lies a lot is also a thief and a harlot" and as I grow I have come to realize that these things go together, I have tried to count people who lies a lot that I know and I am slowly proving my mum's theory.

What irritates me more is when someone lies even in circumstances that do not need lying, you will find a very simple situation where the truth would have been the simplest way out but still you will find a person lying. Lying is addictive, once you begin lying too much you can never stop and you never control the extent of your lies and eventually it becomes dangerous for yourself and even for the people around you.

 I remember a story I read somewhere of a guy who was poor but used to boast himself as being rich, one day thieves broke into his house at night, they were armed and the demanded that he gives them the money that he always brags about, he did not have any so they killed him as they were trying to force information out of him after killing his wife and children

So lying a lot can kill you "literally" and may also cause great damage or harm to the people that you love so much. These people in my life who lies a lot really gives a difficult time, I always end up not believing a single word they say no matter how simple the issue is. And sometimes they get offended when I tell them that I do not believe what they are saying, but I am not the one to blame, they should instead blame themselves for having lied to me so many times that even their truths to me still sounds like lying.

I will start talking carefully avoiding all things that are lies which I dot have to tell. I will start telling the truth rather than being caught on a lie. No one is completely 100% truth speaker but anyone can avoid unnecessary lies.  That's me, just saying

"...............lies always finds a way of catching up with you regardless of how far you left the"

Yours Truly

Rubi.

Family

Dear diary,

This weekend was mainly spent with my family. In fact the whole of  last week I was staying at my Mum's. My Dad was away on official trip, and my Mum was going through a difficult patch so I couldn't let her be on her own. So I had to be with her.

 Here is the thing about my family,'It's not perfect" It has so many twisted moments that can drive you crazy or make you wish that you were invisible. But, the best part about all this is that there are so many sweet memories that I will not trade for anything

As my favourite quote goes "it may be stormy now but it can not rain forever" so I believe things will get better for my family. I want my parents to be truly happy and to be able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of their hard work, without having to worry about me or my siblings. 

I know that my mum deserves to be happy, she has worked so incredibly hard for her family, for me. She has done a lot for me and I do not even know if I'll ever be able to repay  half of what she has sacrificed for me to be happy and to be who I am today. So, I know things are not exactly looking bright right now, but I know that My faithful God will not let them be grey for much longer, I know he will take care of everything, like he always does.

I know sometimes people do things and later on they hope that they hadn't done them, and yes regret is the oldest line in the book but I still hope that one day we will all get a chance to say we are sorry, we are sorry that we have hurt each other and forgive each other. One day......................

So, only time will tell but so far I am willing to vest my trust on God

Yours Truly

Rubi

Positive things

Dear diary,

I always have this feeling like I am doing less than what I can actually do with my life. This feeling is always there, constantly and sometimes it makes me restless. May be because I really never try so hard to do anything, most things seems to be happening to me effortlessly, and may be that is why I always feel like I could have done much better with my life. I never tried all that hard in school, but I never failed, and I am not trying too hard now at work but everything seems to be going well.

So, I know it is not new year or anything, but I am making a resolution to try hard and give my best in everything that I do. I want to see what I can ripe if I try really really had. So here is my Plan;

• Give my best at work, always using my brain to its best capacity, be punctual 
• I am gonna go to law school and study so hard, for months I will devote my every free time to reading and reading only
• I want to make sure that I spend one hour everyday on my novel, at least five pages per day will be enough.
• Devote my Sundays to My Family , my Soul-mate and My Best friends and at times a little charity work.

So those are my resolutions, and I intend to keep the going. I just believe that there's so much more in me that I am not letting the world have, like you know I have always wished to be a writer, just imagine how many books I would have had If I had started writing then!  But its no biggie, I am starting Now so lets see what happens.

Over the few weeks, the only things I have been thinking are my worst nightmares, the bad things that are happening to my life. I have become so edgy and thoughts consumed, and I frankly have gone numb because I do not want to feel the pinch of anything that is happening. And I hate this "Me" so I am going to change for the better, I will start counting my blessings, my talents, all the good people in my life and all the good things in it too. 

I have a daughter you know, surely I did not give birth to her, my cousin did and then she abandoned her at my Mum's and left. So, I have since officially declared myself her mum. She is s adorable, and difficult when it comes to food but I love her to bits. So for her, and for my darling soul-mate who always knows how to make my life a beautiful place, I am going to be positive and concentrate on my blessings. 

Yours Truly,

Rubi.

Hold my hand

Dear Diary,

Sometimes Life can present challenging situations that even the best of us seem to run out of ideas of how to tackle them. I know no family is perfect and that that every family has issues and most commonly a "black sheep" of the family. In our case that person now is my brother, My mother's only son. He grew up as an intelligent and quite boy, of three of us he is the one who attended the best private schools and all was almost well until he reached form two, and from there everything changed to date.

It all started as a mere foolish age. Behaviours, and slowly he started developing hatred to people and now he is tearing apart my family. By the time he reached high school the situation got worse and we couldn't possibly figure it out on whether he was crazy? Or he was drowning in the pool of hatred and selfishness that he build around himself. My favourite memory is his first day of school, I was in my last year in primary school (seventh grade) when he joined first grade, and I remember he could not cross the road on his own, so he came to my class and there was a teacher in the class and he asked for me, he said "I am looking for my sister, I want her to help me cross the big road". 

The whole class roared with laughter, it sounded weird to them that a boy that tall and chubby did not know how to cross the road by himself, but you see what they did not know is that my brother was only six by then, and he had never had to go anywhere alone in his life until then. So I went out of class, helped him cross the road and walked him further until I reached a point where I know it was familiar to him and then I let him go, but as I turned around going back to class tears filled my eyes because I was so worried that my brother may not make it home safely. That day when the end of classes bell rung, I ran like I had never before, I got home within ten minutes and I remember feeling so relieved when I found him home safely.

 He was a quite cute chubby boy, and he rarely ever spoke. I wish I could turn back the time,  and just be his sister who will help him to cross this road.  But of late, he has turned into God knows what

It breaks my heart, I wish I could tell him this, but I cant because I know he wont listen anyway so what is the use. The way things are going our family will never be the same again, nothing will ever be the same again in our home. So many wounds and so many unspoken words that has burnt holes into any bond that our family members had. My little sister probably hates my brother so much right now because they had an argument last night and she collapsed. My Mum used to love my brother so much, he was her favourite child, an intelligent and thoughtful boy, but right now all I can see is a woman in a deep pain, struggling so hard to hate her son, It is breaking her. My Dad, is in shock of what has been happening now days, and he doesn't speak much and I can see it that he feels so powerless.

I love my parents, I love the fact that they are still together despite the fact that they have been through a lot. Them being together makes our home more than a house, its a place where I grew up and so many memories lies there, but the situation right now does not give me any hopes that my home will be there for much longer. I wish my brother would realise what he is doing to our family before it is too late for him, I wish he would wake up and take control of his life before he causes any more damage to so many lives. He has hurt so many people by all this, and honestly I sometimes worry that my parents may not survive this. They were good parents, strict and we were brought up by an iron rod, I still do not understand what happened along the way.

I am not saying that my parents are perfect, I am just saying that they were good parents who raised us all well and they simply deserve a better life than what my brother is putting them through right now. I need a miracle so bad, I have never needed a miracle this badly.

I can not hold his hand now and help him to cross the road, he has to figure this out by himself because that is the part that comes by being a grown up. I do not hate him, I simply stopped caring about him, He has a choice and the path he chooses is and will always be his choice, I can not hold his hand on this one. I wish I could, but I cant. I am simplu numb, I am shutting all the pain out

Yours Truly,

Rubi.

Weekend

Dear diary,

It has been a while. Well I have been busy, and I had a busy weekend and my week does not look so promising.

My boss is still on leave, which means I'm still carrying his workload baggage, I had a terrible migraine last night and for a moment there I thought I was going to die, but Thank God I'm fine now. I called my mum and told her that I was feeling sickly, and my guess is she did not sleep at all last night and she started calling me around 4:30am this morning, when I didn't pick up I think she thought I had died or something, because she was on her way to my place when my sister finally got a hold of me and I talked her out of coming to my place. I was feeling a lot better this morning so I decided that I will go to the hospital then go to work.

My weekend was kinda fun. On Friday night My friends and I went to a beauty contest, and it turned out to be real fun. Then we went clubbing for a while and finally went home at around 4:00am, then a whole of Saturday we had to attend a funeral 9our friend's dad passed away) and finally on Sunday we went to Church and took one of our friends who has come home for a visit from abroad for a spin around town. And it was fun

So I'm now back to the dungeon, and let the torture begin.

Yours Truly

Rubi

Once again

Dear diary,

Today is so far going well and I wonder why. I am not crazy to wonder why today is going well because it has had very unfortunate happenings but so far none of them have managed to ruin my day. For example, I had to speak to my mum about my brother, yes the one who took off yesterday night, I am honestly not worried about my brother but I am worried about my parents. They have raised us well and considering that we are coming from a working class family we had a privileged life. So since my brother decided to act the way he is my parents have always been constantly worried.

Like I am sure that my dad did not sleep at all last night, because he was in Washington the first two nights when he was AWOL for 24hours. I had spoken to my mum in those earlier times and I told her not to worry, why bother yourself for a grown up person who doesn't care that he is tearing the family apart?

 My little sister on the other hand is on a tight spot, they have had sibling rivalry ever since they were young and now it seems to have gotten worse. Of course my brother has had sibling rivalry with me too, Once when I was on holidays from college he literally beat me up. I remember it was 2009 new years eve, he beat me up so bad that my forehead was swollen for two weeks, but I forgave him because I had started wrapping my head around the idea that he was never going to change. I simply forgave him for my mother's sake

I am not saying we have had Perfect parents, but We have had good parents who have toiled all their lives for us to make sure that we have all that we deserve in life. I would not wish to punish them in anyway because I know they deserve. I pray that after five years he will look back and be ashamed of what he has been doing for all this time. So that is it for now about my family

My boyfriend is off the hook, he had a migraine yesterday so he was acting all sweet and I always fall for that LOL. My BFF seems sad, will check on her later. As of now I have a meeting to attend.

Yours Truly,

Rubi

Crazy Brother

Dear diary,

 Finally, I am home. After spending the last the two hours in traffic, today's traffic jam was no joke, I spent almost 45minutes on the exact same spot, then I realised that I had to look for a shortcut, which I idid and now three hours later I am home. I wonder how much time I would have spent if it did not occur to me to take a shortcut.

So after the hot shower I am now in bed trying to add some pages on my novel. Yes my novel, do not be surprised I am an aspiring writer, so far I already have two chapters and the story is coming along just fine, I am trying to make it as exciting as possible, I mean the kind of novel that I wold read. 

All my life I have loved one thing and that is reading. In my O'levels  finished the whole section of books in the school library, that's where I learned this crappy grammar that I am using now, if it weren't for reading, it would have been much worse (can you imagine?)

Anyways let me go back to my novel now, I have to spend at least two hours writing before I go to bed. Oops! before I go I forgot to tell you something, when I was stuck in traffic my little sis called me with some news that almost caused me to loose balance of the steering wheel.

 She told me that our brother (he is older than her younger than me) has written a six pages A4 letter to our parents explaining to them how sinful we are, can you believe it? In his letter, he explained every single sin that he ever thought that my sister and I ever committed and he later slipped it under our parent's door. Luckly when my parents got home from work my sister was the first person to enter their room and she saw the letter first and took it.

Then that's when she called me. We have agreed that we are not going to ask him anything, we will just let him do whatever is it that he wants to do, it is difficult as it is to be a teenager or a youth without having a crazy brother sniffing your footsteps.

He said pretty bad stuff about us in that letter, some of them made up and some of them true, but can anyone imagine their parents being told their worst secrets? Anyway, this did not come to me as a total surprise, he has been acting crazy for sometime now, talking all kind of shit and mixing Jesus in all that bullshit. He pretends to be born again but in the middle of all that he pulls stunts like this (actually this is nothing compared to what he has been doing lately)

Okay, so now I'm off.

Yours Truly

Rubi

It's Monday

Dear Diary,

I can't believe Monday is here, where did the weekend go? How quickly it has passed. So I am now back to the dungeon, and everything is still gloomy here. as always. I am still pissed from the idiots who pissed me off on Friday and I still am never going to talk to them, I do not usually allow people to walk all over me, it is against everything that I believe in. 

So, I still have May's monthly report to submit, attendances to cross check and my bosses's tasks at my hand too, "he is on leave" so I am handling all his "baggage". It is difficult dealing with these people, I  am trying so hard not to punch them in the face, and just focus on what I do best.

Just in case you were wondering what it is that I do I am an administrator, I am supposed to be managing people and their resources, or at least that is what my job description says, and it drains all the energy from my veins.

As I already said, my Friday was not so good, and so far my Monday does not look so promising. My boyfriend kinda pissed me off yesterday too, I had really missed him and what did he do when I got there? He opened his door and went back to bed, as If I had gone there to sit on his couch and drink his cold water, any ways the thing is I got pissed off and I slept angry. I am still pissed at him, I'm not sure he knows  that but I still am pissed.

My BFF's Boyfriend slept at her house last night for the first time, and I still have not gotten all the juicy details and I think she is drawing the curtains on me, I'v been asking since morning and she goes "it was okay" aaargh, I'm not asking any more, if she wants to tell me she will, I know she will at some point. After all I am her safety valve 

So my life history in brief is, I have five half siblings, I love them to bits. I grew up with two and these are my mother's kids with my step father who raised me. My dad, well I never knew him my mum kinda shut him out after I was born for something he did before and after I was born "I never ask what it was". So now I have him too, and he is doing a good job of making up for all the time that he was not in mylife, he too has three kids with my step mother, a girl who is my confidant and two boys. Mylife is like that, but it is amazing. Oh and I have a law degree (plan on doing something about it soon enough)

My boyfriend and my BFF is practically the only company I keep. They are very very good friends, and most of the times they are normally responsible for lighting up my day, except for  today. I still love them though.

I am getting back to work now before my Kemcho's realise that I am blogging.

Yours Truly

Rubi